This is part six of the fictitious journals of 50-something layabout and 2012 skeptic James Gladwin-Turner.

These posts take the form of edited highlights from the imagined author’s imagined book ’365 Days on Tor’, in which the author climbs Glastonbury Tor every day for a year, and attempts to understand what the Hell the 2012 phenomenon is all about. Here’s all the previous entries.

May 1st 2012
My phone chimes. A new text message. I prise one eye open – 8.30am. Early for me. Who sends a text this time in the morning anyway? I open the other eye and silently watch the dusty spears of sunlight poke through my toilet paper-thin curtains. It’s already warm. ‘Just one look at you, and I know it’s gonna be… a lovely day’ I mumble tunelessly. By Merlin and all his happy gnomes, it really is going to be a special Mayday. I debate whether …

In part five of the fictitious journals of ex-music journo and epic fib-weaver James Gladwin-Turner, James has guilt pangs as things get out of hand, and ends up with a bloody nose.

These posts take the form of edited highlights from the imagined author’s imagined book ’365 Days on Tor’, in which the author climbs Glastonbury Tor every day for a year, and attempts to understand what the Hell the 2012 phenomenon is all about. Here’s Part one, Part two, Part three and Part four.

April 13th 2012
What have I done? That’s a rhetorical question, because I know exactly what I’ve done – told a big, fat porkie pie. But I didn’t expect things to take off so quickly. It was the perfect storm – I told the right lie, at the right time, to the right people. A month on and the fib has taken on a life …

Media reports suggest that Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) will not remain pontiff in 2012. His successor, according to a c. 16th prophesy, will be Petrus Romanus – the last pope and, depending on who you believe, the Antichrist.

Amongst all the hullabaloo around the Mayan Long Count, another equally spurious / seismic prophesy for 2012 has been ignored. In 1139, Malachy, Archbishop of Armagh, was summoned to Rome by Pope Innocent II. There he supposedly experienced a vision of future popes, which he recorded as a sequence of cryptic phrases. This manuscript was then deposited in the Roman Archive, and thereafter forgotten about until its rediscovery in 1590.
This is the standard explanation, at least. The document forecasts 112 future popes, each accompanied by a short Latin motto. Apart from the total number of popes forecast before the last pontiff, the only connection …

In part four of the fictitious journals of hippy-botherer James Gladwin-Turner, James does something very naughty indeed.

These posts take the form of edited highlights from the imagined author’s imagined book ’365 Days on Tor’, in which the author climbs Glastonbury Tor every day for a year, and attempts to understand what the Hell the 2012 phenomenon is all about. Here’s Part one, Part two and Part three.

March 24th 2012
Everyone in this town is a freak. I’ve been here three months now and feel qualified to make that statement. Guru-worshipers, Goddess-worshipers, Animists, Odinists, Machicheans, Zoroastrians, Alchemists, Buffalo talkers, Dog whisperers, Anthroposophists, Crowleyans, Weedians, Immortalists, Tantrists, Druids, Theosophists and Naqshbandiyya-Mujaddidiyya Sufis. They’re all here, plus no doubt a bunch of others yet to be discovered – Pastafarians and Cookie Monsterists perhaps. Suppose I can’t complain, but I should be gathering some quotable insights on the 2012 phenomenon from …

Esoterica is the art of discovering the possible influences of unorthodox practices on recorded history. Or so say I. And the 2012 phenomenon is no exception - it’s The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail of the 21st century or, more appropriately, a meme that functions in a similar way to one of its many scenarios: destruction by a black hole. All other memes on its event horizon get caught in its irresistible pull, sucked into a point of infinite density; black holes and 2012ology even have a singularity at their centre.

The two principal and bizarrely contrasting theories of 2012ology are: planetary catastrophe such as pole reversal (as promulgated by the likes of Geoff Stray) and consciousness evolution (supported by Daniel Pinchbeck et al.) The latter theory is more black hole-like; mind-bendingly complex if you attempt to pull together all the disparate threads. But this is what …

Part three of the edited journals of feckless 50-something AOR and 2012 enthusiast James Gladwin-Turner. This prog: James doesn’t quite have a heart attack, and chats up a lady.

These posts take the form of edited highlights from the imagined author’s imagined journals. Here’s Part one and Part two.

February 13th 2012
I finally understand what all the bloody fuss is about. I’ve climbed the Tor every day since I arrived, as per my publishing contract, and – to be honest – couldn’t grasp why this large pile of soil was such a big deal. But, as a Glastonbury resident might say – I was not properly attuned to the subtle vibrations of the place. In other words, I was neither turned on, nor tuned in (I’d dropped out long go.) But this morning it all makes sense. I wake up ridiculously early (6.30am) feeling suspiciously …

Here’s part two of the ongoing mission of ex-music journalist and all-round-wastrel James Gladwin-Turner as he attempts to climb Glastonbury Tor every day for a year, and document the New Age community’s response to the 2012 phenomenon.

These posts take the form of edited highlights from the imagined author’s journals. Part one is here – recommend you read this first.

January 1st 2012
My shack is in Bove Town, or ‘Boovton’ according to local dialect. I discovered this from chatting to the bar woman at the pub I holed up in on NYE. Quite a dismal experience – just me, the tobacco-marinaded barmaid, an old boy in a flat cap and three local lads who played pool all night. ON NEW YEAR’S EVE! Where was everybody? Staying in meditating? I tried to educate and impress Lesley the serving wench by feeding the jukebox with …

Another new piece of 2012-inspired fiction. This time it’s excerpts from an invented book by an invented author. James  Gladwin-Turner is an over-the-hill and out-of-work music journalist who strikes upon the idea of writing a book based on his experiences of climbing Glastonbury Tor every day for a year, ending on December 21st 2012 (hence the puntastic title of ’365 Days on Tor’.)

With Glastonbury being the centre of all things counter-cultural and New Age, he figures it’s the best place to get under the skin of the 2012 phenomenon. I intend to publish these bite-sized journal entries once a week (representing edited extracts from the author’s journal) and, as yet have no idea what will happen. So travel with me to lands far-out, as Hawkwind said…

DECEMBER 21st 2011

11am
I’ve arrived. And what a miserable little shack it is. Midsummer cottage – a one-up, …

My second piece of speculation uses a very short format. I’ve imagined what folks would be tweeting about on December 21st, 2012, using the hashtag #2012eotw (2012 end of the world.)

All of the below are facetious or humorous because a) I imagine there’ll be a ton of tweets in this vein, and b) sincerity is worthy but boring to read. What would be funny is if people did actually start using #2012eotw to similar effect. So if you want to post made-up end-of-the-world tweets, go right ahead and use this hashtag, and I’ll collect the responses here.

My preferred doomsday scenario: beer tsunami #2012eotw

ET, if you do exist, now would be a good time to reveal yourself #2012eotw

@davidicke, just seen Kris Kristofferson on TV looking quite reptilian #2012eotw

It’d better be the end of the world –  just spent my life savings on 10kg of cocaine #2012eotw

I sense that …

The Singularity is an important theory in 2012 eschatology. Here are two videos that provide a good introduction.

Vernor Vinge originally coined the term, and the concept was expounded by the likes of Raymond Kurzweil  in his book ‘The Singularity is Near‘. The Singularity is a point at which the technological rate of change occurs so rapidly that it initiates an evolutionary jump for humankind, towards a state of super-intelligence or illumination.

Of course, as Steven Pinker noted, “There is not the slightest reason to believe in a coming singularity. The fact that you can visualize a future in your imagination is not evidence that it is likely or even possible. Look at domed cities, jet-pack commuting, underwater cities, mile-high buildings, and nuclear-powered automobiles — all staples of futuristic fantasies when I was a child that have never arrived. Sheer processing power is …