My second piece of speculation uses a very short format. I’ve imagined what folks would be tweeting about on December 21st, 2012, using the hashtag #2012eotw (2012 end of the world.)

All of the below are facetious or humorous because a) I imagine there’ll be a ton of tweets in this vein, and b) sincerity is worthy but boring to read. What would be funny is if people did actually start using #2012eotw to similar effect. So if you want to post made-up end-of-the-world tweets, go right ahead and use this hashtag, and I’ll collect the responses here.

My preferred doomsday scenario: beer tsunami #2012eotw

ET, if you do exist, now would be a good time to reveal yourself #2012eotw

@davidicke, just seen Kris Kristofferson on TV looking quite reptilian #2012eotw

It’d better be the end of the world –  just spent my life savings on 10kg of cocaine #2012eotw

I sense that Great Cthulhu has awoken from his slumber in R’lyeh #2012eotw

My wife has locked me out of our underground bunker #2012eotw

Microwave has overcooked my peas. The machines are taking over!!!!!!! #2012eotw

On the basis that I’ve just called my boss a disgusting fuckpig, armageddon anytime now would be good #2012eotw

Strange lights in the sky. OK, could be Chinese lanterns #2012eotw

Apparently a UFO at Area 51 has mysteriously come to life #2012eotw

My legs have gone numb – is this indicative of consciousness expansion? #2012eotw

@HadronCollider – everything working okay?? #2012eotw

Annunaki, if you have infiltrated civilisation, now would be the time to reveal yo scaly asses #2012eotw

Just seen a cockroach. Likely he will inherit the Earth #2012eotw

Even if nothing weird happens, at least the nights will start getting shorter #2012eotw

Pastafarians watch events unfold on tagliatelly #2012eotw

Feels like it’s getting colder. The poles must be shifting #2012eotw

I for one welcome our new insect overlords #2012eotw

Never knew so many friends were Christian until they got taken up #2012eotw

@BarackObamaUSA So I guess you’re on board the Ark by now #2012eotw

Drinking beer. Just hallucinated the Four Horsemen of the Hopocalypse #2012eotw

My friend is receiving telepathic messages from Sirius. But then he is on LSD #2012eotw

When one expects Armageddon, survival is always a bonus #2012eotw

Listening to GrandMaster Flash. Just seen the Four Horsemen of the Hiphopocalypse #2012eotw

No coverage in bunker, so have stepped outside. You’re all still here then? #2012eotw

Thought I was an ideal candidate for Heaven. Fuck it. Back to my liquor, pork, drugs n bitches #2012eotw

What does a black hole look like? #2012eotw

@DavidCameron If aliens attack will you engage them in an F/A-18 Hornet? #2012eotw

I’m off to bed. If the world does end, don’t wake me up #2012eotw

Compound is well stocked with tins of baked beans. Can’t find tin opener #2012eotw

My banner reads: ‘we don’t have any natural resources either’ #2012eotw

#2012eotw hashtag 2012 apocalypse armageddon conspiracy doomsday end of the world eschatology lhc mayan nibiru noosphere planet x sagittarius a singularity terence mckenna the singularity is near winter solstice